Presenting our October cover, starring Natasha Rothwell. Natasha is owning her well-deserved place in the spotlight with her Hulu series ‘How To Die Alone.’ After winning audiences over as Kelli on ‘Insecure,’ she’s unapologetically stepping into her role as creator and showrunner, proving that she’s a force to be reckoned with.
There’s a vibe you get in the presence of Natasha Rothwell. It’s bright and distinct — a zen energy, mixed with the light of someone walking in their purpose. I’m looking for a single word to describe it, but I can’t quite find it.
In true writer fashion, she gives it to me in our conversation.
“I’m buzzing,” she says when I ask her about this moment in time, when the world seems to be in collective agreement about her dope new series for Hulu, How to Die Alone.
Buzzing. That’s it. She’s electric, no doubt. But it’s neither loud nor forced. It’s quiet and consistent. The hum of someone brimming with main character energy.
“It just feels surreal,” she says of the show’s warm reception from audiences and critics alike. “You make something. You do it for yourself. You hope people like it, and the response has been just overwhelmingly positive and it’s just… “
It’s all of the things, I’m sure, maybe the least of which is that it’s a HUGE deal. Because, let’s be real, to be a Black woman succeeding in any capacity these days is to know intimately the feeling that this world is consistently trying to erase the fullness of your being. Maybe even to erase you completely. We’re watching opportunities made for us be snatched away. Watching Black female identity be disregarded, even as we’re expected to save the world with a smile. And in Hollywood, it’s certainly no different – shows by Black and brown creators have been canceled or shelved in droves. It’s hard not to feel like our existence is being pushed to the sidelines.
But not for Natasha Rothwell; not right now, in this moment. Nah – the writer, actress, showrunner, and comedienne, who also happens to be a Black, plus-size woman, is taking up space in the spot she’s fought for. Full stop.
NATASHA ROTHWELL: HOW TO DIE ALONE
None of this is to suggest that it didn’t take her a minute to get here. The 43-year-old has been doing the work in front of and behind the camera for a long time.
“I worked on How to Die Alone for seven and a half years,” she says. “I had so many opportunities to be like, ‘Well, they didn’t want it. I guess I’ll just move on.’” [But] I definitely had that gut feeling. I felt something in me.”
In How To Die Alone, which premiered on Sept. 13 on Hulu, focuses on the lonely but lovable Melissa “Mel” Jackson, a JFK Airport employee who’s afraid to fly and afraid of love. After a wild birthday romp involving Ikea furniture, a rodent and some crab Rangoon leads to a near-death experience (don’t ask; just watch), Mel decides it’s time to start living her life.
“It was very deliberate choice to allow the character to experience the full spectrum of emotion,” says Rothwell. “And not just be funny and flat or a caricature. I wanted to write a fully fleshed-out, real, 10-toes-down character. And when I put pen to paper, I was honestly writing my dream role” with How To Die Alone.
And while the show boasts plenty of big, memorable set pieces, what truly stands out are the smaller, subtle moments that speak volumes. Take the scene in the pilot when Mel walks through the airport, navigating people carelessly bumping into her at every turn. It’s comedic yes, but it stuck with me. When I ask her about it, she recalls how the moment on the page was born out of reality.
“Walking through airports, I’ve had people run into me. I have people nearly sit on me on trains where I’m just like, ‘Don’t you see me?'” she says.
It’s a feeling so many marginalized people know, and, while it may seem counterintuitive, especially plus-size people. “There was a time in my life that I had really bad cramping in my [shoulders] because I would fold myself on subway. Because I didn’t want to take up space. I felt like I was an inconvenience. The consequence of not allowing yourself to take up space is physical. It’s actual physical pain.”
Watching Mel, we’re reminded how hard it is to show up as a whole person sometimes. She admits it took time to ‘audition fuller versions of myself over the years and be like, “No, this is my body. It takes up space. I’m not going to apologize for it.”
ORIGIN STORY
The rebellious spirit is something she’s always carried, from the days when she was just a kid hamming it up for her family and friends.
“I would always do little plays,” she says. “But I also grew up with a super strict family, so the characters I played let me be and do and say those things that I wasn’t allowed to do at home.”After a brief pursuit of a journalism degree, where she fell in love with writing, she decided to go full steam ahead in pursuit of acting, and transferred to the University of Maryland.
“You have to understand, in that time, multi-hyphenates weren’t really a thing,” she says. “I had to pick a lane.” Acting was it, but even then she found herself writing her own monologues for auditions.
That led to work in improv groups and ultimately an audition with SNL. But while she auditioned as an actress, the producers said her written audition was ‘one of the strongest they’d ever seen.’ She was hired in the writer’s room and committed to proving she belonged there.
“Honestly, it wasn’t until I left SNL and saw my name and the credits underwriter that I had the courage to call myself a writer. And I hate that I gave them that power, but to me, it was just like, ‘Oh, they’re calling me a writer. I should probably call myself a writer too.’ That’s what I’m doing.”
Then came the role that made her a household name, that of Kelli on Issa Rae’s certified hit Insecure, where Rothwell served as both a writer and an actress. It was an unexpected win that would change the course of her career.
“It came as such a surprise to me when Issa called me in her office and was just like, ‘We want you to play Kelli,’ because I literally had blinders on. I was just like, ‘I want to learn. I want to be a better writer.’” After penning multiple episodes, including the particularly beautiful and poignant Lowkey Happy episode in Season 5, where Issa and Lawrence reflect on their lives, their relationship, and mistakes. After Insecure, she joined the cast of The White Lotus, in the role of Belinda, which she will reprise in the upcoming season.
Despite the success, she knew there was much more in store for her.
“I find myself in the position of needing to dream bigger, which is wild because I didn’t even think this was going to be in the cards,” she tells me. “I’m at a place right now where I’m trying to be still and dream bigger.”
“Hollywood can be pretty binary in terms of genre,” she adds. “Like, ‘Oh, that’s a comedic actor, or that’s a dramatic actor.’ A lot of my counterparts who aren’t Black women get the opportunity to explore things outside of that binary. And so I think that’s why this show is straddling the line. And it’s not because it’s trendy, but it’s because it’s important. To have someone who looked like me front and center was really not about ego, it was about the mission I feel like I’ve been put on earth to do, which is to let people who look like me feel seen.”
GIVING HERSELF GRACE
Dreams have a tricky way of testing us, a truth that Rothwell has been reminded of this season. She’s navigating a new level of fame and scrutiny, all while trying to maintain the boundaries she has implemented to protect herself.
“It’s been an interesting tightrope to walk,” she says “I’ve wanted to be seen my whole life. I’ve wanted people to look at me and acknowledge my existence and be able to reflect my existence in the world and be a participant and not a spectator. But, especially this week, with this press run … I feel very, very seen and have been the most anxious in my life because it’s also, you open yourself up to critique.”
It’s a hard truth for anyone, but especially for someone who struggles with social anxiety, something Rothwell openly discusses.
“I take my mental health very seriously. I have social anxiety. And I’m a little neurospicy. And so even as an adult, learning about myself and understanding myself as an adult with ADHD was a huge revelation. And that knowledge is not only power, but it allowed me to give myself grace in how I show up in the world and not apologize for it.”
She credits the work done with her therapist for her ability to explore the complicated parts of herself, both onscreen and off.
“The honesty and the transparency of this project come from a lot of work in being authentic,” she says. A self-described recovering people pleaser, she admits that, “for a long time, I was this needless wonder and who really didn’t express myself authentically for fear of rejection …. I valued other people’s opinions, preferences, and comfort and needs over mine. So yeah, I was not always this open. I consider authenticity a practice. And some days, I’m really good at it, and some days I’m not, but I am committed to doing the work.”
PROTECTING HER PEACE
Rothwell says one of the best things about this era is the peace she’s experiencing in her own skin, which, by the way, is absolutely flawless.
“I’m a skincare fan that masquerades as a girlie when needed,” she says. “I’m not as faithful as I need to be. I become devout during press, but then when I’ve just left to my own devices, and it’s just me and my dog, I’m like, ‘We’re not doing niacinamide and doing all of the folic acid and the vitamin E, we’re just doing a Neutrogena wipe and going to bed.’”
As for her preferred style aesthetic, it’s similarly grounded in authenticity. Bright nails are her preferred form of self-expression, and when it comes to street style, she prioritizes comfort with keeping it cute. And for red carpets, it’s the same although, “probably more expensive,” she says playfully.
“Being in clothes that make me feel like me is very much necessary because the further my exterior gets from my interior, then it becomes performative. It’s like I’m playing a character of Natasha on the carpet versus I feel comfortable in what I’m wearing.”
Don’t mistake that for a lack of individuality or sexiness, though.
“I’ve had a lot of stylists over the years, and I always start off the conversation with, ‘I love being a sexy secretary,’ says Natasha Rothwell. “I love my legs. I’ve got great tits. We can show them, but I love being a little demure.”
It’s a confidence as hard-won as her success and the kind that comes with stepping into who you are as a woman.
“There’s something interesting happening in this moment because I look back at myself and I can see that there is a change taking place,” she says “I mean, in the show, in the finale, I’m in my bra and underwear, unedited. If I were to tell my 20-year-old self that I would be in that position [where my] whole body is seen unedited for millions of people, she would vomit. She would literally shit down her leg and be like, ‘What are you doing, girl?’ But it was so important for me to do that. It’s moments like that that make me feel like maybe this is what they meant by the 40s being a good time. I was hoping for margaritas, but I’ll take it.”
Catch Natasha Rothwell in How To Die Alone on Hulu.
Editorial Credits
Cover Story: Allison McGevna
SVP of Content: Allison McGevna
VP of Content: Kirsten West Savalli
Editorial Director: Shamika Sanders
Talent: Natasha Rothwell
Photographer: Sage East
Digi Tech: Andrew Ngu
Lighting Director: Byron Nickleberry
Photo Assistant: Cornell Agee
BTS Video: Brianna Nakatani Tyler Harp
Wardrobe Stylist: Jason Rembert
Wardrobe Assistant: Wilton White
Makeup: Kenya Alexis
Hair: Fesa Nu
Creative Director: Jordan Benston
Production Company: The Oracle Media
Production: Maisha Peace, Brooke Langley, Camaree Barr
Location: Smashbox Studios
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